relationship seems to get "stuck" with a man once
you get to a certain level of connection and
intimacy... so the relationship either stalls or
starts to fall apart...
Then you need to read about my "From Casual
To Committed" program.
Learn what specifically keeps a man from moving
forward to a deeper commitment with a woman
and why certain "fears" come up - and exactly
how to keep these fears from taking over
your relationship.
It's all right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
Dear Mary cris,
We're going to try something a little different
in today's newsletter. If you read this email and
answer just one simple question below, you will
learn how to improve your relationship with a man
IMMEDIATELY.
Here goes...
Ever notice how a man will "court" you, pursue
you, and do all kinds of amazing and romantic
things to win your heart as you're getting to
know each other...
But, after a little while, the romance,
passion, and intimacy that he used to create
and be so excited about starts to "fizzle out"
once you're into a committed relationship?
If you've ever found yourself in a situation
with a man who you knew was a great guy but he
started acting immature, depended on you for too
many things (and didn't appreciate you for them),
and all the while you kept giving more and more to
try and make things work better and keep you
closer... then you don't want to miss this email.
I'm about to let you know the real reasons why
men in relationships so often act this way... and
what to do about it.
I'm also about to explain why so many women end
up in unfulfilling relationships with men who
"TAKE TAKE TAKE", and why these women so often end
up getting little back for all their efforts.
First off, tell me if this sounds at all
familiar...
You meet a great guy and you start dating.
The "chemistry" is simply AMAZING and you can't
believe how into connecting and sharing he is...
even on that emotional level where other men often
fall flat.
You spend time together and keep growing
closer, and you start to believe that maybe you've
finally found that amazing friend, companion and
lover all in one.
He's so open and caring... listens and pays
attention to you and what's going with you in a
way that few men you've met can.
Your connection is unbelievable.
You both know you can count on each other in
ways that feel like you're closer than you have
been with a man in a long, long time.
Since you're both so close, he starts to depend
on you for a few things in his life... and you're
happy to help him since you really care about him
and are a generous and loving person.
But, as time goes on, something starts to
slowly "shift."
It starts with small things...
He starts acting a little differently, and
stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that
made you admire and respect him.
Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and
"connected" with you.
And then you notice...
There's something different about how he
depends on you, and it sets off your "radar."
You start to wonder if how he is with you is
entirely healthy.
You start to feel "drained" with him and with
the relationship more and more... but you know
that a relationship is about give and take, so you
keep giving and have faith that things are going
fine.
More time passes and you start to notice
something else...
You see that he isn't becoming more
appreciative of all the things you're doing for
him and your relationship.
In fact, it feels like he's starting to take
more and more of it for granted.
Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and
your relationship in general.
He starts asking and depending on you even
more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.
The more he does this, the more you sense that
there's a kind of needy "childishness" inside him
that's becoming clearer.
You want to be there for him and be a great
partner... but you also want that fun, strong,
playful, loving, confident man back who was there
before things changed.
With all this going on, you're not exactly sure
of what to do about it or what's going on for him
that's making him act this way.
He doesn't seem to pay you the same attention,
give the same affection and support that you give
him, and it's starting to feel unfair and bother
you.
Your relationship is starting to feel like it's
all about making sure "he's" happy.
Which of course doesn't leave much room for
what's going on for YOU.
You know things can't go on this way if your
relationship is going to work and be something
worthwhile and "real."
He's got to see what's going on and stop being
so self-involved.
You know that he's had some challenges in his
own life and maybe he just doesn't see what's
going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal
out of it. But, you know that something needs to
change... soon.
So, you finally decide to talk to him about
what's going on.
You go over in your head again and again what
you're going to say to him and what's been going
on for the last several months.
You're sure that he'll see what's been
happening and all the things you've been doing for
him and the relationship, and he'll give you some
understanding.
But when you talk to him, it doesn't work out
this way... AT ALL.
Instead of hearing you and your intentions to
get things back to a better place between you two,
he just becomes frustrated, irritated and
DEFENSIVE with you.
Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like
you're "nagging" him and creating "drama."
He even acts like you're the one being
ridiculous and withdraws from you.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
This situation where you know you're giving and
getting less than nothing back STINKS.
And unfortunately, it's a common experience
lots of women have in relationships with men.
Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you
about how men are at fault and create these
problems for themselves and for you in your
relationship.
But the reality is that you've already spent
hours thinking about this before and have a lot of
your own ideas about it.
That is partially why I'm NOT going to talk
about what's going on with men here and what to do
about it.
At least not yet.
Right now we're going to talk about YOU.
Why?
Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first
step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY
RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.
You could spend days, weeks, months or years
worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he
does the things he does.
But if you want to be smart...
And you want relationships to start "working"
for you, instead of seeming like a neverending
source of frustration and disappointment trying to
get a man to make the relationship work...
Then you'll make sure you have things handled
for yourself first.
And that way you'll have the CERTAINTY that
only comes from understanding what's happening in
the relationship around you... and what YOU need
to do in each situation that comes up with a man.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN INSTANTLY
If you're at the most basic levels of what I
call "emotional maturity" in your life, then
you've started to recognize something very
important and significant about yourself...
You've recognized that you have a few PATTERNS
coming up in your relationships.
Of course, some of these patterns are positive
traits that bring benefits, center around your
personal preferences, and involve things you bring
into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.
But the reality is these aren't the only kind
of patterns you have in your life.
You also have a special group of "negative
patterns."
Patterns that you save just for MEN.
So, let me ask you a very simple question.
It's a question that could very well change the
course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you
answer it.
Here's the question -
Do you know your "negative patterns" in
relationships with men?
You might have a few of these that you already
know about that you can rattle off in your head
right now without really thinking about it.
THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I'M LOOKING FOR TO
IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
You already know about these patterns and this
knowledge still doesn't seem to be helping you if
you're running into the same issues and situations
again and again.
Which is why it's obvious that "what" you
already know isn't going to help you learn and
grow past these situations with men for good.
You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.
That's why I'm looking for the patterns that
you DON'T see right now, and that you aren't
CONSCIOUS of.
Here's where we're going to take ACTION...
Right now, I want you to give yourself the time
and space for the next 5 minutes to think about
your own patterns in your past or present
relationships with men.
And, I want you to put everything else aside
just for a few short moments while you focus on
YOURSELF.
By the way, if you don't have time to do this
now, then you probably never will.
And I know it's a simple question, but the
AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your
answer is what's going to change your love life
immediately.
So now that you've made the time, I want you
to think about the following -
I want you to come up with at least TWO of your
own negative relationship patterns with men.
And I don't just mean patterns that are really
about men... such as "I always pick men who are
clueless about loving relationships."
This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.
I mean something like "I meet men and quickly
spend all my time with them. But soon I see that
I've "lost myself" and I am not able to have a
healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up
breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on
the relationship and him, instead of spending more
time on myself."
That's one common example lots of women have
experienced.
Now, it's your turn.
I want you to come up with 2 other patterns
that have to do with YOU and things that come from
YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.
I'm going to give you a few minutes to do it
now.
...
...
...
I'm going to give you another minute to make
sure you have your two patterns.
OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your
own in your head.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now
and write down the patterns you identified.
Do it now, I'll wait.
...
...
Good.
I want you to keep this piece of paper
somewhere you can look at it again in a few days
or weeks.
It will be important to look at what you wrote
down again at least once in the next few days.
DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR
NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING "PATTERNS" IN
RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN
Now that you've got your two negative patterns,
here's where things are going to start coming
together for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerous
kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it
comes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Do you know any women who talk about how their
relationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they have
shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinks
and feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication
"skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences this
kind of thinking and behavior... and what does it
say to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "All-
or-Nothing Thinking."
Unfortunately, the more common "All-or-Nothing
Thinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having the
thoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there a
negative trait or habit of yours that stands out
as the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is.
I want you to identify at least one of your
greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life
through your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down next
to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead.
...
...
OK. Now there's something I want you to think
about...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait or
habit that's associated with your pattern out of
your relationship and behavior with a man...
right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of the
way you are in a relationship with a man, then
things will be better... right?
WRONG.
What if the problems that come up in your
negative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negative
pattern didn't represent just your personal
WEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personal
STRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid of
the trait or quality entirely that's involved in
your negative pattern so that things will work
better in the future... then you're going to that
place of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath
water.
Over the years I've recognized that there's a
fascinating mistake TONS of people make in
relationships, in business, and in every aspect of
life...
When something isn't working and they want to
fix a problem, they don't look at the entire
"system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the
"symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine"
having the same shortcoming. That it only
addresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic"
approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix a
problem in a relationship, by not seeing the
entire "system" going on around them, they can't
see how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they think
they can change what's related to the symptoms and
everything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose will
cure a cold.
What's worse, often times the things that
people change not only don't work to fix the
problem...
But ends up making things WORSE by affecting
all the other related and inter-connected things
that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.
Don't start solving problems and changing your
relationship when you can only see the "symptoms."
There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system"
of how you and a man connect and communicate in
your relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic"
approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to make
choices and take action that will bring more
connection and understanding into your life.
So how can you start to see your own
relationship with a man as the "system" that it
is?
And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of
trying to cover up the "symptoms"?
Here's a step towards this that you can take
RIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of using
your destructive "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
I want you to look at your trait or traits
again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your
negative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seem
strange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way in
which your trait or habit in your negative
relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the very
trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is
also a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now
next to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
...
...
...
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created in
what you just did when you think about it - IF
you stay aware of this when you're interacting
with a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you've
been giving yourself a hard time about and trying
to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of
your STRENGTHS... things you never could have
understood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes, and hurtful
things that a man brings to you that relate to
your patterns, will start to look differently
to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense of
CLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you,
for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND
RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now to
understand more about what's going on with you and
your relationship.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up
in your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or Nothing
Thinking" the next time it comes up and tries to
create DISTANCE between you and a man?
Do you know where these thoughts come from and
what to do to stay conscious and overcome the
negative aspects of your other destructive
relationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doing
these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way
he is in your relationship, so you don't have to
try and convince him of what's going on that he
can't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy,
loving, lasting relationship don't have this
knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a
man that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't just
coincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up for
you in your love life that you can't learn from
where you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, and
experiencing the pain and frustration that comes
with them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask or
require you to learn and grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more
GROWTH... which will of course bring new ways of
seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in
your relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
I've put together what I think is the VERY BEST
program just for a woman like you that will create
the GROWTH and AWARENESS you're looking for in
your love life.
It's called "From Casual To Committed."
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck"
with a man once you get to a certain level of
connection and intimacy... and then things seem to
go backwards and he withdraws... then this program
is going to change your life and your
relationship.
One of the most critical things that's going on
inside a relationship when a "casual", or even a
committed relationship, starts to go wrong, even
though there's no lack of love or caring between
the man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talking
about a HIS FEARS, too.
Inside this CD/DVD program I go DEEP into what
fear is in relationships, how it works into the
entire relationship "system"... and how to break
out of the negative cycles and patterns of FEAR
then ANGER then WITHDRAWAL.
There's a reason why most men pull away and
sabotage perfectly good, loving relationships
with women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are only
making these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take to
change your love life and relationship, no matter
where you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE
CONSCIOUS is your first step... some of which
we've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, the
FEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why it
is that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becoming
more connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOU
on a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to have
LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of
your love life and all your relationships.
Go check out my From Casual To Committed
program right now:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC