some space?
What is he really thinking or feeling when he
zones out in front of the TV or computer and
acts like he doesn't want to talk to you?
More importantly, how do YOU react when this
happens, and what do you say to him?
There's an important reason why a man will
tell you he needs space... and understanding
that can mean the difference between him
feeling like you really "get" him, or him doubting
your relationship.
Find out what's going on "Inside The Mind Of
A Man" by checking out this special letter right
here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/IMM
***Question From A Reader***
Hi Christian,
I have been reading your newsletters and getting
really good insights. Especially what you've said
about being unpredictable.
I have a question for you that you might have
gotten before a thousand times and if you give me
a practical answer on how to deal with it, you're
a genius and you'll officially become my guru
forever!
Why do men not call when they say they're going
to? And, most importantly, is there any way to
avoid this? Or is there any kind of teaser, or
challenge I can throw into the conversation, when
he says he's going to call, so it can cause him to
really call?
It has happened twice with me in the past week
with two different guys I was interested in :(
The first one said he was going to call so we
could go out and talk about his itinerary to
Europe.
The second one said he was going to call about a
whether he'd be in town (a nearby town) so I could
go visit.
I feel so frustrated? How can I avoid being in
these situations and feeling like such a loser?
Should I just not accept that he tells me he's
going to call? Like just make an excuse so I have
to call back myself? Of course I'd do that without
letting him realize that I'm actually unsure he's
going to call.
I guess this is another typical thing of guys :(
(especially where I live) Let's see if you have a
great theory on this one as well - one that
works!!! ;) Regards, L.
***My Response***
Let's get right to it.
In my "Natural & Lasting Attraction" CD/DVD
program, I give you specific strategies that teach
you exactly how to build attraction from the very
first moment you meet a man... (which, by the way,
begins BEFORE you even give him your number or say
much of anything to each other).
To learn how to create this kind of deep,
lasting attraction with a man that goes BEYOND the
common Physical Attraction that men can experience
with women at first, then go check out my program
here and watch some free video clips here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/NALA
Let's get back to it...
Now for these strategies that I mentioned, that
are also in my program, to work... you first need
to understand something important before you can
know what to do about it...
You need to understand why men don't call when
they say they're going to in the first place.
So... let's go over the different reasons men
think and behave this way. There's a lot to learn
from each one.
And while you're reading each one... see if
you can figure out what each situation and reason
has in common.
Why Men Don't Call: Situation #1
Some men are too immature to be honest and
straight-forward with a woman.
Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving
themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even
though they never really thought they'd call.
But they get your number anyway to feel good
and to have it "just in case" they get some random
urge or reason to call you in the future.
Plus, getting a woman's number is a kind of
"trophy" to show to other immature men.
Why Men Don't Call: Situation #2
They were just looking for a hook-up, and you
weren't "fling" material (which is a good thing,
unless that's all you're looking for).
Oftentimes, men think they just want a woman
to be "physical" with.
If you're out at a club or a bar and you meet a
man, often he'll have "hooking up" on his mind.
Duh, right!?
If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes,
you're the girl he'd bring home to mom, then you
might not be the girl he'll want to spend his time
with... at least for the near future.
But in spite of this, he takes your number, in
case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head
that he'd actually want a great girl for a real
relationship.
And guess what?
He doesn't come to that realization for a very
long time - so he doesn't call.
I'm not saying it makes sense, but that's how
some men operate.
And in a strange way, men who do this are doing
you a favor at that time in their life.
The timing wasn't right.
Why Men Don't Call: Situation #3
They thought they were being "polite" by
getting your number, even though they never felt
like calling.
Have you ever given your number to a man who
asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading
his call and wishing inside that you had given him
a fake number?
Exactly...
And I know it sucks to think about this, but
have you ever thought that the tables could be
turned?
See... if men enjoy their conversations with
you but aren't that interested, they sometimes
feel a polite "obligation" to get your number.
It's a kind of way to end the interaction on a
positive note... even though they never really
thought about if they intended to call you.
I know it stinks, but men aren't often up front
and assertive when it comes to the opposite sex.
Why Men Don't Call: Situation #4
They were interested in you at first, but after
a little while they started to feel like something
was "off"... maybe even after they got your
number.
And, while you were trying so hard to create
random reasons for you to see each other again,
and to not have a guy get your number and not call
again, they could sense your subtle fear and
discomfort.
So the attraction and connection they had just
started feeling for you and had tuned into with
you, changed and was "broken."
Why Men Don't Call: Situation #5
They lost your number or forgot to call. Plain
and simple and that's it.
Ok, now let me ask you...
Did you figure out what each of these
situations has in common?
I'll give you a hint:
It has something to do with your feelings.
Give up?
There are 2 things actually.
First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do
with you being a "loser", like you mentioned.
See, the fascinating thing is that in each of
these situations, it's YOUR CHOICE to make the
MEANING out of them that you want.
Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you've
chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.
In other words, you've actually started to
criticize yourself and think even more negatively
because two guys didn't pick up the phone and
punch in your number.
Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing
up and feeling bad about your love life...
And worse, men can actually sense these things
when you meet them and will instantly categorize
you as a woman that they don't want to be around
if you've got that freaked out, negative, over-
attachment to the casual conversation you're
having with them.
Here's the second thing each of these
situations has in common...
Of the ones that don't involve men just being
weird or "unavailable" for more than a casual
fling, there's a common theme going on.
They weren't FEELING ATTRACTION.
See, there's something I don't think you know
you're doing here...
You seem to know about an important concept
when it comes to men - teasing and throwing in
certain kinds of "challenges" to attract their
interest and attention.
But... there's a huge difference between
KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING
them.
The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they
SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his
interest.
But when it comes to actually doing these
things in a fun, consistent, and exciting ways,
they fall short.
Why?
Because who wants to bother?
And isn't it better for someone to just like
you for you?
Maybe.
But what if there's a real and genuine "you"
that men just need some help to see with so much
other stuff going on?
And what if you're hiding that away because of
your frustrations from the past or fears about
what might happen in the present?
Here's a radical thought...
With things not going exactly how you want them
to go in your love life - imagine if you actually
changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns of
behavior with men to try and get a few different
results.
What are the odds that part of the common
denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have
the exact same problem or issue with calling back?
Would it be too much to ask that you at least
try a few different things that were outside of
your "natural" comfort zone of what you've always
done or what makes sense to you?
I don't think so... and you sound more than
open to it and have a positive attitude.
So, let's talk about what those patterns are
for you to break, and what to try instead that
WORKS with men.
CREATING "REASONS" FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK
Your email lets me know that you already "get"
some of what to do, like teasing and being
challenging, but that you don't quite know yet how
to put it to work in your dating life.
Let's change that.
Here's how...
You need to start creating exciting reasons for
a man to want to see you again.
I'll repeat that so you hear it again and take
the time to let it sink in...
You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for
a man to WANT to see you again.
I'll give you a minute to think about what that
means...
Ok, come back.
There's something lots of single women do when
they meet guys and want to see them again.
And, it makes it so that the man isn't very
interested or excited to re-connect with the woman
afterwards.
It's when a woman tries to come up with any old
reason under the sun to "re-connect" with a man,
not realizing how important the "reason" actually
is.
It usually goes something like this...
Woman meets man.
Man and woman start to connect.
They talk about "interesting" stuff and the
woman becomes interested in the man.
The man enjoys the conversation and talking to
the woman, who's a great person and seems
attractive.
The woman feels a connection and assumes that
he must feel it too since it's there for her.
The man asks for her number and she kind of
"lets down her guard" and becomes very friendly
with him and feels comfortable.
The woman then starts talking about the things
that they can do together when they see each other
next, based on the conversational topics they've
had.
The man's attraction, intrigue, and interest in
the woman suddenly drops off.
End of story.
So, what happened here?
In short, the woman stopped doing the things
she was "naturally" and subconsciously doing at
first that made the man feel attracted to her, and
instead started treating him like a sort of "best
friend."
A friend of mine has a name for this...
The "super-sized friend approach."
This approach is usually followed up by offers
to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.
Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.
And it's further destroyed by trying any
excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future
plans together.
See what's happening here?
And yeah, there are always exceptions to the
rules.
Women who are so naturally attractive to men,
physically and "socially", can and do take the
more casual and friendly approach... and it works
great for them.
But we're not talking about those situations.
We're talking about the situations where
things, unfortunately, don't fall into place so
effortlessly.
Ok, so back to creating "reasons" that actually
get men to call back.
Let's start by talking about why the "reason"
is so important... and then we'll get into a
specific example.
The "reason" that you create, for a man to
reconnect with you, is important because it builds
the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a man's mind of
how he thinks about you after he leaves...
That reason you give is a large part of what
determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling,
or not calling.
So here's how to create great "reasons" with a
man...
First off, stop making future plans with men
for first dates around things that are BORING,
everyday, and PREDICTABLE.
Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool,
sophisticated, cultural, and all kinds of great
things.
And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites,
art history, etc. can interest a man
intellectually.
And I have to admit that traveling to Europe
has involved some of the most romantic moments of
my life.
These are great things to talk about with a man
in random conversations.
But guess what?
Planning a man's trip with a man is NOT going
to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you
just because you've become his travel guide.
Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of
chore for some people... especially men.
In other words, you could hope that the romance
of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow
through some magic "transference" as you talk
about them...
Or...
You could start doing the things that will make
him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in
YOU.
With me here?
Good.
You've got to remember...
Attraction isn't created by "logic."
A man doesn't talk to a woman about Europe and
become fascinated and sexually charged by her
knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel, or the
fine wines of France's Bordeaux region.
**NEWSFLASH**
Attraction doesn't take place when a man thinks
inside his mind, "Gee, she's smart, cultured, well
traveled, etc., I think I'm going to feel
attracted to her."
That's not how it works at all... just like
that's not how you become interested and attracted
in men.
It's MUCH more in your subconscious.
Think chemistry.
So, can a man "reason" with you so that you
feel ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?
Didn't think so.
But he can DO things that will make you FEEL
ATTRACTION, even if you're not really "choosing"
to be attracted to him.
Well, it works the same way for men becoming
attracted to women.
And sure, the things that are "logically
attractive" like travel in Europe don't hurt...
but they're really just window-dressing for the
things that are going on underneath the surface in
our minds and emotions.
What makes a man feel attracted is the
EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates
with him or guides him to.
Attraction is largely a SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING
that comes in response to the unexpected, the
unpredictable, and the things that can't help but
draw us in to connect in an emotional way.
So let's land the plane here...
If you want a man to call back, give him a
"reason" that's interesting, unpredictable, fun,
etc.
But most importantly, it's got to be a reason
that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
If you do something less predictable, like tell
him...
"Hey, since you're going to Europe, if you're
good I'll tell you a few secrets about what makes
the French such great lovers... or great cooks...
whichever you're more curious about..."
Now that's sure to get a man's attention... and
keep it so that he'll call you back.
Notice that this still says everything you want
to say to a man about wanting to connect with him
again.
But it does so in a fun, interesting, teasing,
challenging, and unpredictable way that keeps him
thinking about you and guessing.
And, it does it without making him feel that
you're desperate to make sure that he's going to
call you - or that you're just trying the "super-
sized friend approach."
So, let me say it again...
YOU NEED TO BUILD ATTRACTION TO GET WHAT YOU
WANT.. whether it's a phone call, a second date,
or more.
For more information on this topic, I highly
recommend that you to check out my Natural &
Lasting Attraction program.
You can learn more about the immediate results
this program can bring to your love life, and
watch free clips here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/NALA
But, I digress...
There's one other thing that's important you
asked too...
"Should I just not accept that he's not going
to call?"
Great question.
Here's the thing...
It's important for you to have "boundaries"
with men.
It's important for your own good, to help him
know what's fair game and what isn't, and to lay
some constructive framework for a future
relationship.
A key step in every growing relationship is to
communicate what your personal boundaries are so
that the other person can learn to respect them.
But in situations where you don't even know
the person very well, it's not as simple as just
laying it out there.
It's also important that you don't communicate
these boundaries in a pushy, weird, needy, overly-
sensitive way where men will instantly pull away
from you.
I know, I know... to lots of women this sounds
like a contradiction.
When they hear it they'll think...
"You mean I'm supposed to be "unpredictable"
and create attraction, but I'm also supposed to be
assertive enough to communicate my boundaries."
"This is too much hassle... I just want to be
me, and if a guy doesn't like it, then tough!"
It's no surprise that a lot of the women with
this attitude (and men) are single and home alone
on Friday nights watching Dave Letterman...
And wonder why their relationships just seem
to fall apart after a while... over and over.
The truth is, communicating boundaries and
creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually
exclusive activities.
AND... if you know how, these kinds of
situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to
create attraction and GROWTH between you and a
man.
If you know how to communicate with a man in
the right way, you can get the response that you
want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.
Which in your case might be for him to respect
your boundaries by calling if he says he's going
to call.
But if you don't get the subtle specifics of
how to communicate with a man this way, then often
times you'll come off as pushy or "bitchy" like
lots of other women do when they try to assert
boundaries early on with men.
Try saying something like this in a semi-
serious way but with a smirk on your face...
"You know, I might just decide to give you my
number, but I'm not sure if you're the right kind
of guy yet - because I'm VERY PICKY and I only
give my number out to guys that A) have their act
together and B) are smart enough to know what
they're missing if they don't call."
And then write down your number and hold it
out for him to grab.
But when he reaches for it, pull it away from
his hand a little bit so he misses it...
Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a
wry smile on your face...
"Well, do you have your act together? Because I
really don't have time for boys who don't
call..."
This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and
triggers a deep level attraction response - that's
not just a "physical" thing.
I've shared some specifics about early
interactions with men and creating ATTRACTION.
But, if you want to learn the actual
"psychology" behind what creates attraction with
men, how a man's mind works on an emotional level,
and how to create a LASTING EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
with a man that will have him lead you both into a
great situation together, then this email is just
the tip of the iceberg with some starter material.
To get started, check out my ebook, "Catch Him
& Keep Him". This book is THE GUIDE to
understanding men and how attraction works while
dating and in relationships.
It's here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
This book is packed with the easily-avoided
dating and relationship mistakes that most women
make... and it's full of specific ideas and
"How-To's" to help you instantly become closer
with a man.
Don't live the predictable situation of your
man withdrawing from you and acting irritated or
frustrated just because you need to talk to him
about something that's important to you.
Chapters 5 and 6 of my ebook are all about
"bridging the emotional differences" between men
and women when you're communicating with a man.
Understanding what the emotional differences
between men and women are and how to deal with
them is critical to creating a deep connection
with a man.
Chapter 7 is all about CREATING ATTRACTION.
If you're going to get into and past the
"honeymoon phase", then there needs to be a whole
lot more going on than just a physical attraction.
You'll find out how to create the kind of
attraction that's deeper and more lasting than
the physical.
Chapter 9 of my ebook is all about the
communication secrets to developing and growing
lasting relationships.
So, don't wait...
Don't wait any longer to live the love life
that's possible.
Start turning what used to be frustrating
situations with men into opportunities to create a
close, loving relationship that works for both of
you... and LASTS!
Go here, download your free trial copy of my
ebook in just a few minutes, and you'll be on your
way to a whole new world of connection, attraction
and communication with men.
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
And, if you're ready to take your interactions
with a man to the level where he's experiencing
the kind of ongoing, lasting attraction that has
HIM working to become closer and more committed
with YOU... then it's time you checked out my
Natural & Lasting Attraction program.
All the details on this program, some sample
video clips, and a special offer to try this
program out free for an entire month are all
here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/NALA
It's time to learn exactly how to overcome that
frustrating belief that if you try to talk to a
man and protect your own personal boundaries, that
he'll just withdraw and disconnect - leaving you
more frustrated than you were when he was distant
and had little idea what was going on with you and
your relationship.
Unfortunately, this is an experience that many
women have when they talk with a man about their
relationship.
The man misunderstands them, gets freaked out
by the situation and all the "emotions", and then
withdraws.
Well, I'm here to tell you that it is possible
to turn these situations into opportunities for
you both to grow closer.
And... I've taught literally thousands of women
exactly how to do this.
If you've been in a relationship with a man and
you knew you were experiencing the kind of
connection and attraction that could lead to a
great and lasting relationship... but he just
didn't seem able to COMMIT to making things work
with you over the long term, then there's help
there too.
Check out my "From Casual To Committed" CD/DVD
program right now.
This program will show you exactly how to move
from that casual, UNCERTAIN, UNCOMMITTED place
with a man... and guide you step-by-step towards
building the physical, emotional, and even the
spiritual connection that will lead him to want
to COMMIT to you, and only you.
Most women go their entire lives, and live out
their whole relationships with men never having
the kind of confidence and certainty that comes
from being with a man who is deeply committed to
them both physically and emotionally.
Don't let your relationship stay UNCERTAIN and
UNCOMMITTED, when you could have the close
connection with a man that can come from knowing
how to create this unbreakable bond.
It's time to learn how to avoid the
RESISTANCE a man will naturally put up when it
comes to a deep level of COMMITMENT in a
relationship.
Go here to check out all the details on my
"From Casual To Committed" CD/DVD program and try
it out for a full month free:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC